Emmanuel, our bonus baby

On Sunday, May 7, we celebrated Emmanuel's first birthday. I posted on Facebook :

"Happy first birthday to our bonus baby Emma. I pray that he will truly live up to all his names to show the world that God is with us, He blesses us and He brings joy to us.

I am grateful that God has given me a chance to see another healthy baby growing well this year because I don't take it for granted anymore...

"

One of my friends saw it and commented, "what's a bonus baby?" and here is the story...

Before Joshua and I got married, we discussed about how many children we would want to have. At the time, he said 5. I said 2. As a way of compromise, we came to the number 3. So after our third baby died (a little bit of background on our daughter here), Joshua still felt like we should have another child. I was rather hesitant. Obviously I was afraid that some birth defect might creep up again. I was also very traumatized with the whole experience with the hospital visits. I was also not one of those women who really enjoyed their pregnancy and nursing their babies afterwards. I love my two boys and was ready to "get back to the real world". But God had a different idea...

In the midst of trying to decide whether to have another baby or not, along with my very selective birth control methods (basically I don't want anything with hormones that can potentially affect my body), and somehow the device with an app that helps me keep track of things got totally wiped out, I found out that I was pregnant again. When I was guessing that I might be pregnant again, I was even given job opportunities to make some good money and to interact with the Ghanaians outside of our church and home communities (and some expats too). But God had a different idea..

On May 18, baby girl would have turned three if she was still alive. If baby girl didn't die, Emmanuel probably wouldn't be here. It's still painful to think about my baby who has gone to be with Jesus. Emmanuel has not replaced her but he has brought healing in ways that I didn't know are possible or needed. 

If I was stubborn in thinking that we already have/had three children and was not opened to the possibility of having another child in our family, Emmanuel, our bonus baby, would not have been here.I thank God for having different ideas for my life than my own.